shit.

i didnt get enough sleep for 3 to 4 days because i just got to knew a competition from red fm for the past 4 days.

it was brutal. 1st night - thought about the medley
2nd day - bought all the items to make costumes and record cover
2nd night - diy all the costumes. realizes cant do video myself. decide to hire someone to take my video
3rd day - the person turned down the offer. shot the video by myself. had to set up by myself. do everything by myself while changing the costumes and make up throughout the night.
3rd night - try to edit it on windows movie maker. it keeps freezing.
4th day - woke up, ate nothing but cereal the whole day and continues finishing it up.
4th night - finished. and it was crap.

i just submit it anyway cause i put in crazy amount of effort into it.

funny, and here i thought i was surely gonna win because i made a medley that fits in a min.
i recorded it properly with backing up voice, an electric guitar. the arrangement was perfect.

i thought my voice would be on national radios because it was so good.

i feel stupid. i keep on dreaming about things.

how i think i would be rich one day
i thought i would've become ceo of my dad's company by now.
how i thought i would be famous soon.

it's all shit.

stupid brain.
stop dreaming. clearly you're not going anywhere in life at the moment and all the crazy things you dreamt about for the past years are bullshit.

what makes you think you can make it now? stupid.
stop dreaming.

you wont get famous. you wont be rich. you wont get married.

that's the thing. you wont get married.
with everyone close in my life are getting engaged, or is engaged,

i have the need to be famous really badly.

so that i could feel a sense of accomplishment in life.

im not good in studies like my sister is. im not pretty being a fat fat fatty. i dont have a life. i dont have someone to love and somebody to love me back.

i have NOTHING.

gaga said in marry the night, "i'm gonna be a star. you know why? because i have nothing to lose"

it's true.

but even that seems like shit right now.

i feel like shit.

diari.

it has been seminggu satu hari,

2nd day, it was bruising.

but now, i think its getting better. i'm thankful there is no pus or anything of that sort.

and please dear lord, i wouldn't want any rejection.

i can't wait til it's all healed. 

huhu.

semua orang nak cerita pasal kawen.

i need a puff.

peridot.

today i finally did it.

marriage.

i couldnt help but feel that i should get married already.

with you.

nails

aku geram dengan orang yang berkuku panjang cantik main warna2 kuku

aku main gitar, tak boleh nak kuku panjang pun huhu.

carik perhatian.

attention seeker sangat ke aku ni?